MKMC go to Portland (April 2011)

Bob, bob! The call echoed round Sea Barn Farm campsite like the mating call of some rare, exotic species. MKMC had arrived for a weekend of climbing and sun bathing; not too much debauchery as we all wanted our £20 bond back. Portland is a sport climbers paradise, so what the hell was I doing there?

We (Wayne, Alkesh, Ant and myself) arrived just after 09:00, and having pitched our tents, we set off to The Cuttings where we met up with Alex, and shortly afterwards Bob. We were soon tucked into a variety of tasty climbs including Cheese and Pickle, Parsnip Soup and The Great American Hamburger Disaster. It was hot, and the temperature was set to get even hotter over the next three days. Alex and I conquered 100 Sunny Days, Two Fingers and Three Fingers before finishing in The Potting Shed.

Back at the campsite we met up with Liam, Graham and Kai. Bob had a new tent, which was HUGE, and we all gave him a hand putting it up. Then off to the outdoor heated swimming pool, except that it didn’t open ’till next weekend.

Saturday dawned calm and hot (again) and I had a mission to seek out and conquer Reptile Smile (more of that in a moment). Blacknor faces West, so it was in shade for the morning, which was much appreciated. While Alex and I savoured the delights of the main cliffs, the rest of our party headed for Blacknor Undercliff by the waters edge.

We warmed up on Slings Shot (F4+) and Talking Smack (F5+) before attempting “the big one”. Described as ‘the original Portland classic’ it wasn’t going to succumb easily. Reptile Smile (F6a+) is a demanding and powerful route, and although we both gave of our best and got to the top, neither of us did it cleanly. But, it was a fantastic challenge. We did four F6a and three F6a+, and at the end of the day we were suitably pleased with our efforts (if perhaps a little tired).

As Alex and I returned to the car we met up with the others, who had been swimming in the sea….bbrrrrrr. Then, for some, a trip to Tesco to get barbecue food and coals, but for Alex a return journey to Milton Keynes. Back at the camp site we terrorised the neighbours with frisbees and other flying missiles before starting the barbecue. This proved to be more difficult than expected, possibly a duff batch of charcoal, and even using MSR fuel didn’t have the desired effect of getting the ‘coals’ glowing. Fortunately Liam had a nuclear powered stove which “finished off” the partly cooked burgers.

Sunday. Someone suggested it would be a good idea to ‘seek out the sun’. And so it was, like sheep, we set off in procession back to The Cuttings on the East coast and routes which had connections with food and cooking. There was very little shade to be had, and I kept well covered up. For me, a ‘Quality Family Day Out’ was first to go – followed by ‘Chips With Everything’, both F5. ‘Jam’ was lovely (lots of jamming – my type of climbing), but ‘Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth’ (F6a+) proved challenging – never-the-less Wayne sailed up it like a pro. The heat was sapping, and by mid afternoon a raiding party headed off in search of water and ice creams. My low point came when I couldn’t get off the ground to do ‘Rock Lobster’ (F4); everyone else seemed to do it without a hitch – could it be time to hang up my boots?
Our last night, and I still had ½ a bottle of wine left from the previous days. It was a very pleasant little number, and I slowly sipped my way through it. By about 8.30 I was feeling pretty drowsy and decided to lie down for 5 minutes. Five minutes turned into 10 hours. I was dead to the world but fortunately some kind souls put all my gear in the tent and zipped me up.

Our last day and we had to pack before we left. Bob was up with the lark packing his palace, and left before most of our group were awake. The rest of us took a more leisurely approach to packing, before fitting in a few last climbs at Battleship Edge, just South of Blacknor on the West coast.
I for one had an enjoyable weekend with great company. Anyone for a spot of trad next weekend?

Alan